Finally another update

Hi awesome peoples,

So post again, there are two main things I should tell you about. Lecture phase, which is what currently is and has been happening, and outreach, which is happening soon. I will tell you about outreach first because that is more interesting.

Outreach:

So for outreach we are going to Nepal for the full three months, it will be split up a bit. For a basic overview some of the things we will be focusing on are, evangelism, Bible translation, Bible distribution, simple healthcare, teaching (though conferences and etc), counseling, art events, and research. So we will start in Kathmandu for 5 weeks, then after that we well head out into the Himalayan foothills and be looking for one (or multiple) of the 258 unreached people groups in Nepal. (https://joshuaproject.net/countries/NP)

The school I am doing is called the TS (Transformation School) it is a worldview school, for the first 5 weeks of outreach, the part that is in Kathmandu, we will be combining with two other schools, the AES (Art Evangelism School) and FCM (foundations in Counseling Ministry school) are schools well combine in to smaller multi-disciplined teams. In Kathmandu we will do various things that use all of the skills we learned in lecture phase. AES will do public art things, like murals and painting classes and etc. and use those to engage and evangelize the community. FCM will offer free counseling. TS will do things like lead world view seminars and etc. We never know exactly what we will be doing on outreach but we have a few things in mind and will just take whatever opportunities come up. After Kathmandu we will separate back into our school and go in search of remote unreached people groups.

I am not positive where in Nepal my team will go but we will be looking for one or more of the following 12 unreached people groups: Belthariya, Chhintange, Chulung, Chulwa, Kayort, lambchhang, Lumba-yakka, Meo-hang, Phangduwali, Saam, Musasa, Yamphu. I think those are all spelled right but not positive. We will look for these people groups. Not much is know about them so we will be do some research about them as well. Basically while we are there just getting to know them and sending their location and some basic information about them back to YWAM. YWAM will just use the information to send more teams after we leave. We will also see if they want us to create things for them in their own language. Most of these tribes have nothing, no books, no movies etc. in their language, YWAM would be willing to partner with them in making media for them in their language. It is also a great way to share Gods love with them. We can create them Christian content in their own language. Also some of these groups don't have written languages only oral, for those people YWAM has actually developed a written language called Uniskript that oral cultures can adopt and use as written language if they wish. Some native American tribes have already adopted Uniskript as their official written language. Here is the site where you can learn more about uniskript http://www.uofnkona.edu/ministries/uniskript/ We would not be teaching it to them ourselves. We would just be learning if they need or want uniskript and if the do specially trained YWAM teams would come later and implement it.

We will also be helping with Bible translation for these groups we would do oral translations, see this video. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rs8LpG3Eksk. We are just the first teams coming in, hopefully someday these people groups could have full written Bibles in their own language, and things like that, however, to start we will do what we can with oral translation. Again I don't know exatly what this part of outreach will look like either. But this is some of the stuff we will be doing.

Doing all this does cost money, just for transport and living expinsises. Also I will probably have to buy hiking boot and cold weather clothing before I leave. So if you would like to donate anything to help with this please just let me know, and I can tell you how.

Lecture phase:

So lecture phase is all about learning whatever your school is about and outreach is about applying what the school is about. For me doing the TS it is about worldview. The first part of lecture phase is about taking apart your worldview and looking at each individual piece. The second part of lecutre phase is about putting it back together into a more Biblical worldview. Its alot about idintitfying and correcting biasses. The school is also very outword focused so it teaches how to see other peoples world views and help them see their world view and teach them correct views on things. Its a lot about thought processes and etc. Its a good school. But just to share a bit as an example. So one thing we learned about is what we call the 4 world view questions. The first 2 world view questions are ontology and epistomology. A dicitonary definition of ontology is: "a particular theory about the nature of being or the kinds of things that have existence" Though basically ontology is the study of our origin. Its where people think we come from, the word ontology is used in several diferent ways but in world view its basically what mankinds origin is. Epistomology is the study of how you know what you know, a dictionary definition for epsitomology is: "he study or a theory of the nature and grounds of knowledge especially with reference to its limits and validity." Though again in worldview its basically how you know what you know, where does truth come from, what is the source of knowledge. So now you know what ontology and epistomology are. For are homework each week we ask questions and then answer them, or sometimes we are given questions to answer. The questions for las week was given to us and we had to answer it, the question was: "how does your ontology affect you epistomology?" Some people I am sure enjoy thinking about these questions a lot, so if you do think about it for a while and let me know what you think. My conclusion was basically that the source of origin and the sources of knowledge our the same, so your epistomology and ontology are basically a loop constently effect each other. Though to more spefically answer the questions your ontology sets the boundries for you epistomology.


Anyway, thats just an update on what I will be doing and some of what I have been doing. If you read it all, thanks for reading! Feel free to message me with any questions or for more updates or whatever. Thanks!

To be updated again

Hello awesome people,

Well its been a long time since I wrote an update. I totally didn't do that whole vlog and blog thing the last few months. So a quick catch up. After DTS I went home for three months and worked to get some more money for another YWAM school. I did a lot of things at home but a few highlights were getting to fill fire fighting airplanes and do alcohol compliance testing. So I had a few cool jobs that also managed to pay enough that I came back for another YWAM school called the transformation school.

The transformation school is a world view school. It is about know where the ideas you have come from. Its about breaking down are individual world views and putting them back together, then learning how to look at communities and groups world views. Learning about other peoples worldviews so that we can better minister to them.

Basically all I have been doing since getting back to Perth has been school stuff. Nothing super major to talk about yet. I mean there are things everyday, but nothing huge to write about. Though I am going to start blogging again so I just wanted to write a quick blog of some sort and say that I am in Australia again and I am going to start writing more again, so watch for posts. So far the plan is to do the school I and then late December/early January head to Nepal but I will write more once things are more set. I also will quite possible join staff here in Perth and move to Australia for a minimum of two years.

But yeah, just a quick post before bed tonight but I will start posting again.

Outreach update 1

Hello friends,

Its well past time for another update, however I have had limited time and very limited internet access so I have not gotten around to writing sooner. Also because of the limited internet access I am not sure when I will be able to post again, and the vlog won't be updated for another few months still.

To launch right in, I am in the Philippines now on outreach. We are in Metro Manila plus, specifically North Caloocan. For those who didn't know, the school I am doing is divided into two parts, lecture phase, (which is what the last posts have been about) and outreach phase. Outreach phase is what I am on now and it is about putting what we learned during lecture phase into practice and sharing God with people. My outreach is in two separate parts, for the first 44 days we are here in Manila, then we will fly back to Australia and drive from Perth to the Kimberly, which is northern Western Australia. It could take as much as 5 days or more to drive from Perth to the Kimberly depending on which routes we take and where we go. So because of the time we need for travel I think we will only actually be in the Kimberly for about 3 weeks.

As I said I am in Manila now. We have quite a few different ministry opportunities here, also we do a lot of street evangelism. The first week we were doing Bible reading and prayer walking. So we read the entire Bible out loud in public places. When we weren't Bible reading we were just walking the streets and praying for God to show us what He has already been doing in the area, and what He wants us to do. It was a good time to here from God and also do some spiritual warfare by declaring Gods truth over the city.

Then for the last few weeks we have done a lot of street evangelism. Just walking around talking to people about God and praying for people. Street evangelism is a lot easier here then in the U.S or Australia, because people here when they don't have anything to do will just hangout on the streets and talk to people, also because we are white they want to talk to us. I think street evangelism here is more effect as well both because its less weird/less off-putting for us to just walk up to people on the street and start talking to them, and because the people here are actually quite open to what we have to say. So we have done a lot of that and have prayed for a lot of people, and seen a few instant healings. I have also handed out a few Bibles as well. YWAM doesn't provide us with Bibles to hand out, but if we want to hand out our personal Bibles we can. I had a quite nice leather ESV bible that I gave away, then I have also bought several other cheaper bibles here and gave them away as well. (so if anyone wants to donate money still I would love to use it to hand out more Bibles, I think the information to donate is in one of the previous blogs but you can also just comment that you would like to provide some more finances for ministry use and I will contact you with how to do that)

Other then street evangelism we have had some other opportunities as well. We went to medical clinics one day and prayed for people. That day me and my ministry partner saw around 10 instant healings in about 2 hours. We also had one person get healed and then want to start following God. So we got to talk to him a lot about that, and how we knew to pray for him, and I gave him a bible and we lead him through a salvation prayer, and gave him the name of a good church nearby to get in contact with. We also put on a DTS seminar which is where we invited about 12 churches to attend a one day seminar where we attempted to fit 3 of the week long classes we had during lecture phase into about an hour each. I think we had nearly 200 people show up and we got to teach and pray for all of them. We also helped at a VBS. And we did an open air with another team where we did two skits, shared two testimonies and a gospel message and then prayed for a bunch of people. We also go to a lot of church services, and prayer, and worship services and Bibles studies. We often have an opportunity to speak, or share a testimony or something at these events. More recently we have been doing evangelism with the churches. We will invite people from the churches to come with us onto the streets to do evangelism, this way we can teach/show them how to do evangelism and they can continue it after we leave. It is also super helpful to have locals with us because they know the area much better also even though most people here can speak English they prefer to speak Tagalog so it is still nice to have a translator.

We have also done many hour of intercession for Manila. One of the members of my team also had the opportunities to give a sermon one Sunday. So we have had a lot of ministry opportunities and will continue to have more, and whenever we are not doing things with the church there is always plenty of good places to do street evangelism.

This is a shorter update then I would usually give, and I have plenty of specific stories that I would love to share with anyone who wants to hear more when I get back. But unfortunately for now this is about all I have time to share.

Prayers for physical health and energy are much needed. Also prayers that we would continue to be led by God in ministry and accomplish what He wants done here.

Thank you all so much for reading!

I went camping, I came back changed for life

Hello friends,

So I just got back from three weeks of camping in southern WA (Western Australia). It was a very very good three weeks and a lot happened. The first part of this post will just be like fact about what happened. Where we went, what we did, what day to day life looked like, new things that I did, etc. the second part of the post will be a much deeper conversation about what happened on an emotional and spiritual level, and a lot about the new revelations I have had about God. I personally am much more excited about the second half.

Okay so yeah we went camping in d'entrecasteaux national park at a campsite called Banksia camp. The nearest town was Walpole WA you can find the town and the camp on Google images and Google maps/earth. Google Earth actually has a very good picture of the camp. It was about a 5 hour drive from Perth.

The camp its self was very nice. There was a building thing, we just called it the hut. It was a quite big covered area, kind of like a really big covered porch, and then there were also 4 bedroom type things, each one had a hanging cloth door and then a bunk bed inside. We would have classes, and meals, and other things in the open area of the hut, then we used one of the rooms for food storage, one of the rooms was for the guest speaker then the other two rooms were just for storage for whatever we didn't want in our tents. The school provided us with some decent tents they had enough that it would be about three people per tent but the tents claimed to be 9 person tents so we actually had quite a bit of room. Also a bunch of people brought their own hammocks and would sleep in those instead of the tents so my tent actually only had me and one other person in it for most of the trip. The school also had generators and lights that we hung up in the hut. So we had power and light, we also had a white board and a projector. The school also had a lot of cooking stuff, they had a nice thing for water, two big grills, two camp stoves that each had 2 burners, all sorts of pots and pans and whatever utensils we might need. The hut also had a rain water tank, and there was an out house (or “long drop” as they call them here). So it was “camping” but we had power and lights and running water and stuff so it wasn't that rough of camping. We didn't have a shower or anything like that, but the beach and the ocean were only like a 2 minute walk away.

Each week day was pretty similar. We would have morning workouts on the beach from 6:00 am to 6:30 am. Then breakfast was at 8:00 or so, then on Monday, Wednesday, and Friday, we would have worship at around 9 or 9:30 depending on when breakfast cleanup was done. Then we would have classes after worship. On Tuesday and Thursday we would just go straight into classes after breakfast.

Then we would try and have lunch around 12:30 or 1 but we would just have lunch right after class. So if the class went late we would eat later. Then after lunch there was usually some sort of activity, on Tuesdays and Thursdays we would have intercessory prayer sessions, on the other days there was usually something fun after lunch. Sometimes there were driving lessons, sometimes there were games or etc. then we would have a few hours of free time before dinner. Then we would have dinner around 6:00 then after dinner we would sometimes have free time and sometimes have stuff planned. Like we had a few movie nights, every Wednesday we would have a Bible study. On Tuesdays we had small group nights. We had a few night classes as well, we also played a few games at night.

For cooking and cleaning each day it would just be one small group. There are four small groups in our school, 2 guy groups and 2 girl groups. A small group would take a whole day, so for that whole day they would cook and clean for every meal, but then they would have the next three days off. If you had to cook and clean you would probably work for around 3 to 5 hours depending on what the meals were and how fast you were. If you weren't working that day you got quite a bit of free time because they had to have a free spot in the schedule for cooking and cleaning. So you would have three days in a row with a lot of free time and then one day with a little less time but even when you worked you still usually had a good bit of time.

For the most part I really liked the schedule. I also just really like not being in the city. It was a pretty busy camp site so there were still other people around (I think we only had the campsite to ourselves just one night out of the whole three weeks) but for someone like me who is very unused to the city it was a nice break from Perth. The weather was bad for part of the time we were there. It was cloudy and rained several days. So usually whenever it was sunny people would all do laundry because they could finally dry it, and all go swimming because it was finally warm enough that it was more fun. You could still go swimming on the cloudy days but some days it just didn't seem worth it. Pretty much we would just hang out at the camp site in our free time. People could going spear fishing or rod fishing, we also had a bunch of card and board games, people would also just go hangout on the beach, look for shells, crabs and etc. There was quite a bit to do around the campsite. We also did a few shorter off road trips. We drove on sand tracks to a few different spots. They were just cool like land arms that stretch out a ways so you could get really cool views of the coast, we also drove to a different beach, and part of the group went for a hike and we drove to go pick them up. They thought the hike was going to be two hours but it ended up being 4 and most of them were very tired after it. We would go into Walpole on the weekends and we could but snacks and use the internet. There was also a place where you could pay 3 dollars for a shower, several people would take showers in town, I never did so I don't know how nice they were or anything.

I did also do and see several new things or the first time. Things I did for the first time include: driving a right hand drive vehicle, shifting with my left hand, driving on sand, working out on a beach, body boarding, fishing in the ocean, playing soccer on the beach.

So thats pretty much all we did, hangout at camp, driving lessons, games, and a few short trips. But it was still really fun, for all of us from other countries, there was so much to see around the campsite. I saw a kangaroo for the first time in my life on this trip. I saw dolphins for the first time, seals for the first time. I didn't see any but some people saw emu's. There were also tons of plant life and stuff that I had never seen before, there were these parrot like birds and birds they called black cockatoos and other cool birds that I didn't know were in Australia. So for me at least it was still really fun. But you can see my vlog as well or ask my questions if you want to know more about what we did. But for now I am going to go onto the second part of this post.

Ok so I will try and keep things organized and to the point, but I don't know how well I will do. Also several things I will say here some people knew about me, but many others did not because I was embarrassed about them and would try to hide some aspects of my personality from some people. So I will get pretty open about things in this part of the post, so please don't judge me for who I am. But also, as I am going to get into, I am a lot more comfortable with who I am so if you judge me thats ok as well. But this is my first time being this open with this large of an audience about somethings, so do be nice.

So the first week of classes the class was the fear of the Lord. It was taught by someone with a quite hard name to spell but her name starts with an M so I will just call the teacher M. The class was good, but it wasn't really anything that new to me. As most of you know I had been to Bible college before and this was a topic that I think the college did a pretty good job of covering. Anyway on Wednesday the teacher started talking about insecurities. I don't really know how it fit into the rest of the week or anything it was just something she included in that week. She talked for about an hour or so about insecurities and things.

I should stop now and explain that I actually had a lot of insecurities. Some of you who read this who know me well probably knew, but for those who didn't know I had a lot of insecurities. Basically I was really insecure about myself, my image, how I talked, etc. but also I had what I would call an insecurity that no one loved me. This was something I didn't talk about much partly because I thought it embarrassing, I mean I think a lot of people are a little insecure about being loved, but for me it was really really bad. I thought it was, and still think it is embarrassing to talk about. But I literally had this thought that no one loved me. So I mean obviously like anyone would I wanted to be loved, but I was unable to see that anyone did, now I can look back and see how pretty much my whole life I have had people doing really loving things for me. However, because of this insecurity about myself I just couldn't or wouldn't except that anyone loved me. Even when someone would do something loving to/for me I would just come up with some sort of excuse as to why they did it. I would write it off as oh they don't actually love me they just felt bad for me, or any other number of reasons I had why no one loved me. This insecurity even though I never talked about it was a huge part of my life. I lived all day everyday desperately wanting to feel loved but at the same time refusing to believe anyone loved me. It was actually a much bigger issue then I realized before. But also this extended not only to people but to God. I was unable to except that people loved or accepted me and this continued on to God, I was unable to except that God loved me. I mean I knew that God loved people, and I was a person so that would mean God loves me right. But I was unable to accept this as a personal thing, I couldn't or wouldn't accept that God loves me specifically. My thought was sure God loves me and billions and billions of other people. I just fall into the category of people that God loves, but so does everyone else who ever lived, so it was not like an actually thing, it was more of just something people said.

So I had this huge insecurity that people didn't love me and that God didn't love me, and this actually played a huge role in how I acted, how I thought, how I lived. Along with that I also had a ton of other insecurities, I speak funny, I can't pronounce certain words, I was insecure about that and it would change how I would interact with certain people. I was insecure about my weight, I was insecure about my appearance aside just from weight. There were many others as well. All of these added up to be a huge struggle in my life. But I would still almost never talk about them with people because I was embarrassed about them and I didn't believe anyone loved me so why would I tell people embarrassing things about me. I also wouldn't really talk to God about them either because I believed God didn't really personally love me so why bother talking to Him about something that only effects me.

Anyway I can see now that all of these insecurities are a very wrong way of thinking, and that they are very much not true. But up until this week of my life I couldn't see it. So without really even realizing it these insecurities and others were really controlling my entire life.

So anyway M was talking about insecurities and I was sitting there realizing just how many I had and how huge of a role they had in my life, then M finally gets to the part of how to overcome insecurities. What she said is the way to overcome insecurities is to declare and really believe Gods truths, and what God says about you. In her words to “agree with Gods truth about you”. Gods truths would be that you are personally loved by God, that you are good enough, that God created you they way He wanted you and that you are good enough, and you are loved. (now for those of you who are more Calvinistic. Don't worry I am not saying that humans are all good. We are all still sinners and we live in a fallen world. And without God we are not good at all, but with God we can live a holy life, and God does still love us) So again this was not really anything that was new to me. I had heard this stuff before, but I still could never get over these insecurities before. But anyway like YWAM tends to do M said that we were going to have an application time now. She wanted each of us to one at a time pray out loud and declare that we agree with and believe Gods truth about us. Several people went, they all had good sincere prayers but they were all going pretty quick. Then after I few people went I decided I'd better go. So I prayed just a quick stereotypical prayer, something about how I knew I hadn't always done it in the past but that I would believe Gods truth about me and etc. It was a good prayer but it alone I don't think it alone would have done anything. Then after I prayed M stopped the class and said that she thought God was telling her that I had some major insecurities in my life, she said she thought God was saying He wanted to use me but that I had to get over these issue, that I needed to get over these insecurities. She said she thought God was saying these were such a big part of my life. She said some other stuff to but not stuff I want to share here, but basically things along the same lines, that God knew I had big insecurities and that I needed to get over them. I am not going to say everything that she said because some of it is personal enough I don't want to share it here, but one thing she said is that she thought God was saying one of my insecurities is that I was the forgotten child, the overlooked child. I mean this is not just forgotten child, but forgotten person. I had this thought that I was the person who everyone would forget to invite to things. The person who everyone just forgets about in general. Like maybe if I am right next to the person they would remember me, but then I get forgotten about. So again this also continued on to God. I had this thought that I was the forgotten child of God. That maybe occasionally God would remember about me, but that most of the time I was just a forgotten child of God. Now after this camping trip I realize that I am definitely not the forgotten child in Gods eyes, God does not forget about me. And I am not literally a forgotten child, my parents didn't/don't forget about me. (though there was occasionally times I felt that way, but that was due to me and these insecurities, not my parents fault) and I have occasionally been the forgotten about or overlooked friend but there have also been a lot of times where I was not that way. But the most important point was that I was not forgotten about or overlooked by God.

Anyway, before YWAM I might have believed that on rare occasions God would tell someone something about someone else. But even if God did tell you something you would want to be super super careful about saying that it was from God. I mean I probably would have mostly said I don't believe things like God speak directly to people about other people. But M said some specific things about me that there were no way she should have known. I mean even knowing I had major insecurities would be super hard. I met her two days before and all she had seen me do is sit in class. And knowing to use the exact phrase forgotten or overlooked child, is something that she should have had no way whatsoever of knowing. Also that exact phrase is important because earlier in YWAM during the repentance and forgiveness week the teacher said the exact same thing to me after application. During that week the teacher hugged everyone after they did the application, when she hugged me that week that teacher whispered in my ear that God was saying that to Him I am not the forgotten or overlooked child. Now weeks later a different teacher suddenly knew things about me that she should have no way of knowing, like that I have all these insecurities, but she also knew to use that exact phrase.

This and a couple other smaller things that happened have bought me to the point were I will fully say that God speaks directly to people, and that He will tell you certain things to say to certain people sometimes.

Anyway M knew all these things about me, then she said that she thought I needed to pray again, and pray more specifically and pray more honestly. I did, then M prayed for me. While M prayed for me she put one hand on my shoulder, a students who for the sake of their privacy I will just call 2 was sitting next to me and 2 put her hand on my other shoulder, then there was a third hand on my back. (all these hands are important, I will come back to them later) Then M prayed for me. While she prayed for me it was like three things happened all at once. The first thing that happened was I could like suddenly see how I was loved and how obvious it was, and how stupid it was to think that I wasn't. I could just all of a sudden see how both people and God really did love me. Another thing that happened at the same time is there was like a pain that was lifted. A sort of emotional type pain that I didn't even realize was there, but it was suddenly gone, after it was gone I could suddenly see how it was there and how bad it was. Another thing that happened at the same time was God just like overwhelmed me with who He really is. He showed me how truly loving He really is, how great He really is. Like all of these things about God all at once just came flooding over me.

Then after that the rest of the class who hadn't gone yet prayed as well. I was the only one who was singled out though. So after we were done with class we had a break then we had another hour or so of class before lunch. I was feeling amazing but also very overwhelmed about what had just happened, I also felt a bit embarrassed/awkward because I was the only one who was singled out. Anyway as some of you know, and others of you will probably be surprised by, I am a somewhat (and by that I actually mean extremely) emotional person, particularly compared to most guys. So anyway at this point I was trying not to cry or anything because that would be awkward (or at least I thought it would be) there was a ten minute break through which several people tried to talk to me, and even though I normally really like talking to people and would have enjoyed being talked to I was just trying not to cry and talking would make that difficult so I was just trying to avoid conversation sort of. Also during this time I noticed I started shaking, I wasn't sure why, but everything seemed so different to me now anyway that I wasn't really that concerned about it, I was just trying not to draw attention to myself so I was trying not to shake either.

Anyway then class started again. I was trying to take notes and stuff but I was shaking so much that I couldn't write so I just gave up with it. I started pretty much just ignoring the lecture and praying and trying to process some stuff. I also started crying a little bit at this point. I was actually super glad to have 2 (remember the student I said was sitting next to me I would just call 2 ) sitting next to me. I new even if she saw me crying or shaking she wouldn't be judgmental about it or anything. And I knew she probably wouldn't try to get me to talk about it or anything until later when I was ready. So I was really glad it was 2 sitting there. Anyway after I prayed for a few minutes I thought God was telling me stuff so I began trying to write down what He was saying. When I was writing what I heard God say I would not shake at all and I could easily and quickly write it. So I pretty much just ignored the rest of class and wrote down several pages of what I thought God was telling me. Then straight after class I went to my tent and kept writing. Also in my tent I prayed a lot and ended up crying a lot (being emotional and the amount I cry is one of those things I was embarrassed about but I was also sort of okay with, but anyway I might as well say it now. I am very emotional, so there was a lot of crying) Anyway I was in my tent for quite a while doing this quite time. Because I was in my tent for so long I missed lunch. Now I think it is important to stop and talk about this for a minute. Before this day I don't think I would ever have missed lunch. Now yes I love food, but that's not the reason I am talking about why I would never miss lunch, I could easily miss a meal if I had to. The reason why I would never miss lunch is because without really even fully realizing it I was so dependent on people and trying to feel loved by people that I would never miss an opportunity to be around people, and talk to people, so I would never have missed lunch for that reason.

One of the things I realized in my time of prayer and listening and writing was just how bad I really was about this. I was hugely dependent on people. Now I am still social and I still think its very good to be social and have friends and I still think friendship is very important. However, I realized for me that it was actually a big problem. One of the things that I was unable to do before was say no, if I were invited somewhere or had any opportunity to spend time with any people it was nearly impossible for me to say no. Because of my insecurities I just simply couldn't not spend time with people. I still pretty much never want to be alone, I always want to be around other people, but I realized that I now have a much much much easier time being alone to do things like spend time with God. I realized that before this day I had spent years trying to get in the habit of having a daily quite time, but I couldn't because if I was having I quite time I would be alone and that's something that I couldn't do because I was so desperate to be around people and to try and feel loved by people, but I also never accepted peoples love which just made me more and more desperate for love. It was really a very bad and destructive cycle that I was stuck in, but for some reason I couldn't even seen any of these things, but then after M prayed for me I could suddenly see these things. And I could suddenly see how bad this was in my life.

One more thing that I am realizing just as I write this is when I was at home I would watch movies all the time, and then whenever I left I had no problem at all not watching movies I was totally fine with that. I realize now that the reason I would watch so many movies at home is because I didn't have any friends that I could be around at home so I would use movies and TV as an escape. So where I am other places I could just spend some time with people and then manage to get things done and not just waste my day away watching TV, but at home the only thing I could find that could distract me from my non-stop desire to be around people was watching hours and hours of TV every day. Now as I said I am still very social and never really want to be alone, if you ever see me alone its not because I want to be, its just because I couldn't find anyone to hangout with, but I am able now to spend enough time alone to do things like spend quality time with God. I also now have a good enough relationship with God that I think I will not even be drawn back into distractions like TV and stuff when I return home because I know I am loved by God and that removed a huge dependance on people. Anyway that was just I side thought I had of how I can already see major change in my life. I am not sure if other people can see it or not, but to me I see a huge change in myself.

So anyway when I was writing down a ton of stuff in my tent that I thought God was saying to me. One thing I wrote down was that God said He knew I needed to see His love so He had M single me out, He wanted to show me that He does single me out, He doesn't just love me like the rest of the world but that He specifically loves me, so He singled me out. Then He also wanted to show me His love for me so He touched me. (I also have realized more and more on this trip that I really like physical touch) anyway I thought I heard God tell me He touched me but what I thought it must have been is that He touched me through M putting her hand on me while she prayed for me. Then I also thought He was saying He wanted to show me that the world loved me which is why He had 2 touch me. (by putting her hand on my shoulder while M prayed) So that is what I thought God said. Anyway at this point I just assumed the third hand was unimportant and was someone else in the group. So I kept on writing other stuff. The other stuff I wrote is not really important to anyone but me. The stuff that I wrote and the stuff that I worked out with myself and God that day our hugely important and life changing to me. But its not really that big of a deal to anyone else, so I won't share it here. But anyway later, I wanted to know who the third hand was so I asked 2 if she saw who else touched me. Her response was no one else did. She said she had her eyes open while she was praying and was looking at me and no one else touched me. I asked if it was M's second hand, 2 said no, M had her second hand up in the air for most of the time when she prayed. So at this point I began questioning what I wrote. Remember I thought God told me to write that He touched me but I just assumed that meant that He touched me through M. So at this point I started thinking what some of you might be thinking now. I started thinking did God touch me? I also immediately started thinking about is this something that I think God does, is that something I could ever say God did to me. How proud would I have to be to make a claim like “oh God touched me” to me that would be insane. It would be so prideful to think I was so special that God came and touched me personally.

I should clarify at this point that this is something I never would have believed happened before. I mean I heard of miracle and things before and I sort of thought that maybe they were real. I wasn't really positive if I actually believed God did miracles or not, and so many of them seemed so easy to explain away. So I wasn't really sure. However I am now very sure that God does still do miracles, and God does still do these things. So just know that in the last few weeks largely due to this happening my view of God has radically changed, and I definitely believe He still does miracles on earth. But since I know a lot of people reading this, I know that a lot of people who read this won't believe that God still does things like this. So for those people I am going to say something that my school leader said one of the first weeks of classes, which is: there are two typical responses that people have when they hear stories like these, the first is unbelief, doubt, thoughts that I am not telling the truth. Which if you have that thought, that is ok, but just know that I am not benefiting in anyway by telling you this. I am not getting paid to make the blog, I am not getting paid to lie to you about what happened. I am gaining nothing by telling you this, I am just trying to be honest and open about what happened in my life. (which it is really hard for me to be this open about things this personal to me so I am actually almost loosing something to tell you this) So that is one response, you can believe that I am lying to you, but know that I am not, and that I have no reason to. The other common response (and the response that I hope most of you have) is what the school leader called “God jealous” its when you think “oh wow thats so awesome that happened to you. I am so glad you got to experience it, I wish God would do things like that in my life as well.” (and He will by the way) So anyway those are the two common responses.

So anyway at that point I started to believe that something supernatural happened. I personally think it was God himself somehow, because of what I was told to write. But it could have been an angel or something as well, I am not too sure about that. But anyway this was not something I was going to take lightly and this was not something that I was just going to assume happened to me without at least investigating it more. Also because I know I have friends out there who wouldn't believe that this happened I was going to get as much proof as I could. So over the next few days I asked every single other person who was there if it was them. There were plenty of people who I knew there was no way it could be them, but I still asked every single one of them. Every single person said it was not them. Also as I said 2 told me that she had her eyes open and that it wasn't her or M and that there was no one else. Also when asking around I found a few other people who said they had their eyes open and that no one else was over there. I also found one person in particular who said they were watching me very closely because they wanted to see the emotion on my face and see if this was having an effect on me. That person said they were watching very intently and that no one else ever put their hand on me, and that nether M or 2 ever put a second hand on me. So I fully believe that it was something super natural the only question now is whether or not I am lying about having a third hand or about how sure I was I felt it. I am absolutely certain I felt I third hand. I will confidently say that that is one of the things I am most sure about in my entire life. I am totally confidant that I felt I third hand, it was in the middle of my back. So then the only remaining question is do you believe me. But as I said I have no reason at all to tell you this if it wasn't true, but I do have reasons not to tell you it. So why would I be telling it to you if it wasn't true.

Anyway that was the main big event I can write about. But it effected me so much, it changed the way I think so much, I think it changed the way I act so much as well. Personally for the way I think about things and etc. I would say it was like I am a new person now, the person I was died when I was prayed for and I am a new person now. I am a new person now and I am trying to learn the correct way to live again. I think that sounds super cheesy to say, but that is how different I feel. And hopefully that is how different I act. There was a ton of other life changing events on the camping trip to write about as well, and other things that totally changed how I think. But I think that was the biggest. So in order to make this blog not go on for another 20 pages I will just say that I was changed a ton on this trip. I think they change will manifest itself in actually actions as well as just thoughts, but at the very least I am very sure this camping trip majorly changed the way I think.

I have “freed” (to use another cheesy phrase) of my insecurities. They are still something I have to work though and get over, but I can see them now, and I can see how false they are now, and I am working on getting over them. I feel really stupid now for having those insecurities because I can see now how I was actually super blessed to have a lot of very loving people in my life, but for some reason I just couldn't see it. But I can now, which changes everything. Also there were several other areas of my life that I had major revelation in but I will hopefully write more about those later.

If you have any questions feel free to ask, also comments are always appreciated. I will end with just saying one last time, I am so changed. I tried to put into words how changed I am but I don't think I can actually do it, or at least not do it without writing so much more about it, I feel so different. So even if I totally failed at describing/explaining that change, know that I am very very different now then I was.

P.S.

Thank you to those in my life who have been loving to me even though I didn't/couldn't see it all the time, especially thanks to Emily, Alicia, Brooke, Nate, and my family. Also if you wish to pray for me I would much appreciate prayer. Specifically prayer for more life change and more revelation in this area. But also just prayer for whatever you feel led to pray about.

Thank you all so much for reading, as I said before I really do appreciate it when people take time to read what I wrote.

revelation + application = life change

Hello friends.

So its been another two weeks so it is time for another update. Just to start out with I will say that I am leaving for a three week long camping trip today so I won't have internet for three weeks. So if you try to contact me I won't be able to see or answer, also I won't be posting any Blogs or Vlogs for at least three weeks. Also as always feel free to comment and give me advice on my writing. Thanks!

So again I will just have to start at where I left off of the last blog and try to get you updated, I am sure there is a lot I will leave out but I will try and keep it organized and include all the important parts.

The third week of classes was repentance and forgiveness, this class was taught by the director of this YWAM base. Its not my place to say to much about her, but she has a very cool testimony. She did a great job of teaching. As I said in the last post there is not a ton of content in the lectures that is new to me, but I still always get new revelation from the classes. One thing that I have heard said around the base is: Information (or revelation) plus application equals life change. Or at least its something like that that they say. I think that is why every week of YWAM has been hugely transforming for me. Bible college gave me tons of information, I had tons of revelation, but it didn't really bring about that much lasting change. YWAM reminds me of what I learned during Bible college, and then adds application, and the combination of the two really has been much more life changing then I expected. To use another illustration, which I seem to have grown to really like using illustrations, its like I could teach someone the theory behind shifting a manual car, I could explain in vivid detail the actually process of shifting a car, I could show them how to shift a car. However, if I never actually let them shift the car themselves they would not be able to do it. Bible college would have spent a very very long time explaining how to shift a car, but then would have stopped before they let you shift the car, YWAM gives you a quick lesson on how to shift and then lets you practice it while they sit their and coach you. I think this is why YWAM is transformational.

Anyway for the repentance and forgiveness week I had heard a lot about the “application” time we have every Friday. I had heard stories that the application has gone on for over fourteen hours before, and that it will start at 8:00 in the morning and go until 1:00 or 2:00 the next morning. So coming into the class I was expecting that it must be something pretty major. During the lectures we pretty much just went though the scriptures saying we should repent, then the scriptures describing what all sin is, then finally we went though the scriptures saying we should forgive. Like always it was pretty much nothing new to me, I had heard this stuff before in college, but then we got to the application. For the application they told us to spend a few days in prayer and make a list of any unconfessed sin we had, and anyone who we hadn't forgiven. Then they would have three chairs in front of the class, the teacher would sit in one, the school leader would sit in one, and then a student would sit in the middle. The student would then come up and pray and confess to God and the class there sins and ask for forgiveness, then they would forgive anyone they hadn't forgiven, and then the school leader and the teacher would pray for them. So yes this was all in front of the entire class, people could here you, but you weren't just telling the class your sins, you were praying, and we just happened to be in the room. So we could here, but you weren't like explaining your sin to us. The shortest answer as to why we do it in front of the whole class is James 5:16. Now this wasn't actually required, it was just highly encouraged. I was glad to see that everyone did it though. It did take a long time, some people came from pretty rough back grounds so it took a while to confess and forgive, and then the teacher would tend to pray for probably twenty minutes per person. I kind of want to go into more detail to give you all a better picture of what happened that day, but it is not my place to share other peoples experiences since this is a very personal matter. As for me it was good, and I think it did help me break some sin patterns in my life that I didn't even realize where there before. Though since I have lived a pretty sheltered life, and pretty much everyone has been nice to me I didn't have much to forgive people for, which I am very glad about that, but I think for some people finally forgiving people must have been a huge relief. So I was glad to see the life change that took place in others peoples live, and it was also a big help in my life. It did take from 8:30 in the morning to about 10:30 at night. But it was good.

Then, as if confessing all your sins to a group of 28 people wasn't enough for one day we now get to Friday night. So as I said we got done around 10:30, several of the students were hungry so a group of us decided to walk to a nearby dominoes pizza. Now for those of you who don't know, the YWAM base is in a bad part of city. To me, a sheltered child from a rural part of the world who has spent about 2 days in a city in his entire life, walking around in the bad part of a city at 10:30 sounded fine. I mean I thought maybe there would be drunk people out, and maybe there would be some other not so great people walking around, but I didn't really expect to have an issue because just ignore the people and you will be fine. So right across from the base there is a train station, the train station is a bridge that goes up and over a highway and the train tracks, and then there are ramps that go down to different trains, or you can just keep going and use it as a bridge. To get to dominoes we had to walk over this train station, as we were walking over we past two aboriginal guys. Both the aboriginal guys smelled of alcohol and one was smoking, they left us alone so we left them alone and it seemed fine, then as we got to the other side of the bridge at the top of the stairs before going back down to the street, there was an aboriginal women crying. It was dark so we couldn't see super well, but she was crying and obliviously seem pretty distressed one guy in our group asked if she was okay, she responded with what I thought was “I want to die” then she turned away and started walking down the stairs. I assumed that she was someone who was going to go up on the bridge and jump off to commit suicide or something. The guy who first talked to her and a couple other people from our group walked after her and kept talking to her while the rest of our group stayed back a little ways, we thought it would be better not to overwhelm her with so many people since there was about eight of us. A little ways down the sidewalk there was a street light. After getting to the light the people with her could see that she was bleeding from her head, she had a big bump that was swelling more, one of her eyes was already swollen closed, and she was clearly hurt quite badly. They called us over and we got some napkins and tried to stop the bleeding. She had said that the guys we just passed had beat her and then left her there, one of them was her husband and we don't know who the other guy was. Two of the girls in our school tried to help the woman as much as possible, while other people called the police and people at base to let them know what was going on. I didn't know what to do so I pretty much just stood there to make sure the guys wouldn't come back. We did see the two guys start coming back so part of the group walked with the women down to the next street light. Two of the guys from our group stayed behind at the first street light. I guess the two aboriginal guys walked by looked at the two guys from our group. Looked down and saw all us with the women then they just paced back and forth for a little while, then left. Then we just waited for the police to arrive. I don't know any medical stuff so I couldn't help the woman much, but I just stood there and watched for anyone coming and prayed. The people who did know a little medical stuff tried to help the women, and they talked to her to keep her awake because she was barely conscious. She told us she was from “the desert” she said her husband had beat her up because he was jealous. He was jealous because she was dancing at the Australia day festival the day before. She kept telling us she would be fine and we should just go, she said she has been beat before and she will be okay, she said she had been burned and beat by her husband and others, and that they actually broke her arm recently and that it was still broken. She was supposed to go for X-rays that day actually. She also said she had two kids, but that they were safe. She also said she was a christian and that she goes to church, she was glad to have us praying for her as well, even though she was hurt quite badly she was still super nice, she swore at one point and then was like “oh sorry, sorry guys”.

Eventually the police showed up and then the ambulance got there shortly after them. They took her to the hospital, she was barely conscious by the time they got there and she had several injury's to her head plus her neck hurt whenever she moved it. The police took her information and got our stories about what happened. Then they looked around the area some. They said that they looked at her record and she had been involved in domestic abuse stuff before, and that she does have kids but that they should be safe. They also said that even though they know her story was true they are not allowed to do anything unless she decides to press charges, and that women around here almost never will. So it was sad that probably nothing would happen from it.

It wasn't that dangerous of a situation for us or anything because we were in that big of a group. But it was kind of eye opening since I came from such a sheltered home, and sheltered part of the world actually. I mean I knew domestic abuse was a thing, and I knew it was a very serious problem, but since I had never seen it before it was quite eye opening to see it. It was kind of the same thing as in class, the class content was stuff I knew already, but applying it brought life change, I knew facts about domestic abuse, but seeing it was life changing. One way in which it was life changing was just realizing that we had just walked by the people who did it, and they tried to come back. That brought on a certain fear, I mean we were in a big enough group that I knew we would be fine even if they came back but there was still a fear. I talked to one of the staff who grew up in Perth, and he said that before he came across a situation similar to this but he was by himself, he tried to help the girl and the guy came back saw someone helping her got mad and tried to stab his eyes out with a pair of metal shears. So to me there was just this thought and fear of what might happen, what could happen. Now I am not like afraid to walk around this part of town now or anything like that, and I wasn't actually even that afraid when we were helping the women, but to me it was just a realization of maybe this is what some girls and other people feel like all the time. I knew before that a lot of people, girls especially, were afraid of walking alone and or staying the night in certain places and etc. and I just didn't get why. I mean I would still walk with them and be nice to them and stuff, but I never understood their fear. Now I think I understand part of their fear. Also it was life changing because I realized just how real this is, and that I might see it again, and I would need to know how to react. So it made me feel the need to talk to a few people and try and get more information about domestic abuse. I mean I don't really have a ton to say about it, but just realizing how real it is has changed how I view and think about a few things. Also just seeing this stuff and hearing people talk about how common of an experience it is in cities has changed my life. I am from a smaller town, but I always thought I would be happy living in a city, but living here has totally changed my view of cities. I mean I could probably still live in one, but I definitely like small rural areas more. But just the realization that the majority of the population lives in cities, and that this is what cities are like has really changed me. I have realized the world is more broken as a whole then I thought. I mean I knew about this things, but I never really realized what it was like.

That whole situation plus other ones that I have had recently have change my view of cities a lot. The night after that happened I was walking from base to my dorm and I was stopped by two girls who try to get me to pay them for sex. A few nights later I was yelled at by a drunk person. I was in town and heard two girls get in a screaming match and possible get in a fight after I left, I say a guy take off his shirt in front of a group of teenage girls, trying to get the girls to look at him. So there is nothing that bad about living in a city, and I could live here for longer, I just really didn't realize that everytime you go anywhere in a city you see something bad going on. Perth is actually a good city but it seems like still every time I go into the city there are bad things happening. Which again I knew stuff like this happened, but experiencing it, changes the way I see things. And there was a realization that most of the people in the world live in cities, so this is normal life for so many people.

Anyway the next week was worship and intercession. This week did actually have lecture content that was new to me, plus the application was new as well. I mean it wasn't really that new, I had heard most of this stuff before, but I hadn't heard it in a classroom setting. This was not the same type of prayer they taught in bible college. Pretty much the whole idea of intercession is to ask God to tell you what to pray for, and then pray for what He tells you. To me this was a totally new concept. I mean I knew about listening to God before, and I knew about prayer before, but I had the understanding that when we prayed it was when we spoke to God so it was coming from us not him. But when we are praying for other people, which is what intercession is about, it is good to ask God what specifically we should pray about. To me that was new, also Bible college did teach that we should pray, but to them we should pray because we were commanded to in the Bible. Where as here we pray because praying can actually change what God does. During the class we also talked about how to pray, I thought the best thing they said was to not pray the “typical prayers” things like “Lord just be with... or Lord bless... or etc” those are the sort of prayers where you say a lot but actually say nothing at all. Don't be vague about what you are praying about, pray about specific things. If you are praying for someone who is about to go on their outreach don't pray for God to be with them. Pray for all fear to be cast out of them, pray for them to have the words to speak to certain people, pray for them to hear Gods voice clearly, etc, etc. Pray for specific things, don't pray vaguely.

The week was good but I don't think I have any specific stories or illustrations from that week, but it was good. As always there is more I could write, but I think I mentioned the most life changing things so far from the last two weeks. There are little stories here and there of unimportant things. And there are just little fun things like games and activities that happen around base. But I think I mentioned the most important stuff so I will probably end this blog here. Though something I really want to write about is some of the other students. I have been realizing that I write mostly about class, though I am changed a lot outside of class, changed a lot by the people I am living with. There are a few students in particular who changed my life a lot and I think on this camping trip I will talk to them and see if I can write about them and share some of what they have taught me and then post several updates right after I get back, a few about people, a few about the stuff we have done, and then a few just general ones like this.

If you have actually read this far, thanks you very much. Honestly it is pretty disappointing when I write something like this and then no one reads it, but there are people out there like you who do take the time to read it, so when I thank you, now that I truly mean from the bottom of my heart, thank you for caring enough to read about my life.

First few weeks in Perth

Well, its been longer then I realized since I last made an update, so this post might be a bit long. But as always remember to feel free and comment things to help with my writing. A big part of why I am doing this blog is to get better at writing.

So, I am in Perth now, it has been good. Like I said I might in the last blog I did get over my dislike of change pretty quickly. I mean I do miss home now more then I ever have when traveling before, but I think that is just because I have more at home to miss then I ever had before. But for the most part I have been enjoying everything here and am happy to be here.

I have been here for about two and a half weeks now, so I will just start at the beginning and get you caught up.

In Sydney I missed my flight so I got stuck on a later flight so what was supposed to be a two hour layover turned into more like a 6 hour layover. So I got to Perth much later in the day then I was expecting. Right after I got to base I just threw my stuff in the room I was staying in and went to dinner, then right after dinner the rest of the school was going to play some games in a nearby park, so I joined them for that. Then I just went to bed. For the next few days there wasn't really anything planned, the school hadn't official started yet, so I was just hanging out on base. I went to explore Perth with a few different people, and we played capture the flag one night, and I got a lot of unpacking and stuff done. So the first few days were quite good.



Then the school official began so we had a few days of orientation. Orientations and all the paper work we had to do was good, they spread it out over a few days and did a quite good job of making it fun and not overwhelming. The main interesting thing that happened during orientation was a scavenger hunt type game. It was more of moving from station to station playing games then it was doing a scavenger hunt, but it was a fun way of showing students a few different areas around the base, and it was good for meeting new people.



Speaking of meeting new people, before I left MT the school made a facebook page and asked people to post something about themselves so I knew a little about some of the other students. A little while before leaving I was talking to a close friend and I mentioned the facebook page and told them a little about the other students, one of the things they said was "I am so jealous of all the cool people you are going to get to meet." To be honest at the time my thought was "yes all these people sound very cool, too cool actually, what if they don't ever want to do anything with me because I am not cool like them." I am very happy to report that that has not been the case at all. All of the people here have been amazing and very inclusive. The people here as a whole have been consistently much nicer then people I have met anywhere else. Everyone doing my same school is so great, I wish I could write a post telling you all about everyone of them and how awesome they each are, however I don't have time for that, and it would probably get boring for you, so I won't do that. But trust me these people are awesome and you should be jealous of me for getting to meet them. There are also several hundred people here and only twenty something doing my school, so I meet a lot of other people as well. It is seriously kind of unreal how nice everyone is, maybe its just that people from the U.S. are not as friendly as people from other countries and that's part of the reason, or maybe YWAM is just special, but literally everyone here is so much more real about caring about people, and including people.



After orientation we started our first week of classes. The first week was really only half a week because the first few days were orientation. So I think we only had six hours of lecture the first week. Though it was a very good six hours. I was not really expecting the lectures to be that great, I knew a lot of people who thought YWAM was a good organization and did a lot of good, but who said YWAMs teaching was not that great. I had also met a lot of people who did YWAM and their knowledge of the Bible seemed a little less then expected. So I was pretty sure that YWAMs teaching must not be that great, and that people here probably wouldn't know the Bible that well. After the first week of lectures though I did feel much better about the classes. YWAM does teach much more on practical application and how to do certain things then they do about the Bible and specific theology. So it is very different lecture content then a Bible college or any sort of theology related degree would have, but I could tell by some of the things the teacher pointed out that he did know the Bible as well as many of the Bible college professors. So the content of the lectures is very different, which I think is why many of the YWAM people I met seemed to not have as much theological knowledge as I had expected someone who spent three months in lectures to have. Also they do have an extra hour or two of lecture on Monday nights that is much more like a Bible college lecture. So after the week I was much more confident that they money I spent to come here will be put to good use and that I will learn new things.

Another thought I had is that the people I would meet in college tended to be "theology nerds" we all loved studying the Bible, and Biblical languages and cultures, and theologies, and philosophy, and what exactly certain words meant and why a word having a slightly different meaning can actually change so much, and hard theological questions, and a good debate. The people here are not really theology nerds though, they all still love God, and it is very evident in their live, as I said everyone here is so different from the rest of the world. However, they just aren't really into studying theology. There was a time (a few weeks ago I suppose) were I would have thought that of course anyone who is actually a christian would want to study the Bible and theology in depth and of course every christian would want to go to college to study the Bible, and that if they didn't they probably did not actually know God. My thought is how could you know something of this nature to be true and not want to study it as much as possible. But I have been realizing that people just have different personalities and that not everyone wants to know exactly how everything works and not everyone wants to study everything, and that that is okay. For example to me the idea of driving in a car everyday and having no idea how the car worked, or what all the parts were and what they did was crazy, so I learned about cars. But there are people who drive cars everyday and have no idea what anything in their engine is, or what it is doing, and learning about cars is just so boring to them, they have zero interest in knowing how their car works, they just want to drive it, and that is okay. Its the same with Christianity, to me the thought of being a Christian and not knowing the Bible as well as I possible could and not knowing the answers to many of the hard questions in the Bible was crazy. But there are people out there who are very real Christians and have a very good relationship with Christ who just don't care what words like axiology mean and who just don't want to study theology, but who are still Christians. I guess it took me coming here and seeing it played out in peoples lives for me to realize this obvious reality. However there are still a few theology nerds around base, and there are second level schools at YWAM that do a very good job of teaching the Bible, and there are a lot of people around here who know the Bible very well. So all that to say that the first week of lectures made me much more happy about being at YWAM, and much more confident in their teaching.

So the first week was good, then that Saturday all the schools did something fun as a school. The school I am doing (4wd DTS) and one other school (YP DTS) drove about an hour and a half to a place called the Moore river. It is a spot where the Moore river ends, then there is about an eighty foot wide sand bar then there is the ocean. So it is a very pretty spot there was a very nice contrast between the color of the Moore river and the ocean. Also it was my first time being to a beach, and being in the ocean. I am not a huge fan of either, but it was still a new experience, and I am glad I got to experience it. We spent pretty much the entire day there, then we had a BBQ dinner. Then on the way home we stopped at a spot that had these big sand dunes. We had to walk a little ways then swim across a river, then climb up the sand dunes to get there, but it was probably worth it. After getting there it was quite pretty on top, and then they had boogie boards that people would slide down the sand dunes on. I didn't actually try going down the dunes but it was quite entertaining to watch other people. Then we just drove back to the base.



Then we started the second week of lectures, and we had the first week of our regular schedule. A quick run down of the daily schedule is: morning exercises from 6:00 – 6:30 am, breakfast from 6:45 – 7:30, morning chores from 8:00 – 8:30, worship from 8:30 – 9:30, Classes from 10:00 – 12:30, Lunch from 12:30 – 1:30, work duties from 1:30 – 3:30, dinner at 5:30. There are a few changes like several nights we have stuff after dinner, and some days we have stuff other then worship in the morning, and Wednesday we don't have morning exercises, but for the most part they keep us pretty busy. Anyway the class for week two is the nature and character of good. It was a very good week, as already said I was not really expecting much from YWAM but I would say that the second week was pretty life changing. There was not that much in the lectures themselves that was actually new to me, I had heard quite a bit of it before in college, but it impacted me in a whole new way. I knew all this stuff before, and I believed most of it before (I will admit I had quite a bit of unbelief though) but it was a totally new experience. Like I knew God was a loving God, I knew God loved people, I knew God loved me. I knew that, it was in the Bible so I “believed” it. I truly thought I believed all these things about God, that God is loving, God is merciful, God is just, God is humble, etc. etc. I tried to believe these things, but somehow I guess I never really did believe them, I never really did understand the full extent of what these things meant. The lectures were good but they weren't anything new to me, but God revealed himself in a whole new way to me, God revealed just how real He is, just how much He really is still working, how much He really does love His people. Its like I was blinded to the truth of these things before, I knew all of them, I thought I believed all of them, it was like if all these things where objects and I was sitting in the room with all these things in the room, but I was blind so I couldn't see them. I knew these things were in the room, I believed that they were in the room, I might even bump into them sometimes when I tried to walk around the room, but I couldn't see them I couldn't really understand them, I would question whether they really existed or not. Deep down I knew they were there, I just couldn't really know what these things were. This week was like I could suddenly see.



After the last class we had an “application” I am not going to go into detail about what the application was but basically it was a time of prayer and worship. It was during this application that God revealed Himself to me in an awesome new way. Maybe I could say that this was when I really met God. To use another illustration it was kind of like if I knew a lot about a person, and maybe even had sent this person a email or two before, but never met him face to face, like I might think I know this person but then when I meet him in person he could be a lot different then I thought. Like for a more specific example the person leading my school. I knew quite a bit about him, there was information about him on the website and in the school handbook and stuff so I knew about him, and I had actually communicated with him quite a bit, I sent and received tons of emails with him, I had even seen pictures of him. I probably would have said I had a pretty good idea of who he was. But then when I meet him in person I realized there was so much I got wrong about him, he was so much different then I thought. He was taller, he was older, he had a different personality then I was imagining and so on. I would say this last week has been like meeting God face to face for the first time. I mean obviously I am not trying to say that I actually met God face to face, but its like I knew all these facts about God and I believed all these facts about God, and I had communicated with God and I genuinely thought I knew God. But then I met God for real this week, and He was so much different then I imagined. He is so much better then I thought. I mean I don't know if I would say I was saved this week, I think I knew God well enough before, I think I was saved before. But I would say this week was definitely life changing, as life changing as if I had been saved this week. After this week I will never view God the same as I did before. Which means I will never view the world the same as I did before. Also I thought I was fully committed to God before, I would have said that I wanted God to use me in life however He wanted. I would have said I would gladly follow God where ever He lead me, but I am not sure how true that was. This week I have said what I have said many times before, which is that my life is fully Gods, my life is not my own but His. I have said this before though I think there has been some part of me that never really believed that, I was never truly committed to it. This week though I think I can finally say with complete honesty that my life is not mine but His, and that my life will be infinitely better this way then if I tried to rule my own life.



So, in short, I have only been here about 2 weeks, but it has already changed my life. I also have gone from feeling like I was being lead by God to do this YWAM thing even though I thought it would be horrible, to being quite excited for what is to come in the next 20 weeks.



There are many other things I could still add to this blog but since it is already quite long I will wrap it up here with one last thing, finances. I have had to spend more money on things then I was expecting so I could still use money if any of you would like to contribute to me. Also one of the staff for the school I am doing is also currently trying to raise money to stay here, I believe she is around $500 short of her goal still. So if anyone would like to donate to me or the staff, you can continue to send money. You can send money to my church. 5554 Grand Ave, Billings, MT 59106 just note that the money is for me, or you could send money to my parents and they can put the money straight into my bank account and that way it will get here faster and with less fee's then if you send it to the church, however if you send it to the church you can get a tax receipt. If you want to send money to my parents let me know and I will send you their address. Also if you want to give to the staff just let me know that they money is for me and not her and I will get it to her.



If you have actually read this whole thing, thank you so much for caring enough to read about my life!! Also remember comments are appreciated!

a thought on change

It seems to soon to write another post because not all that much has actually happened. But since I am sitting in an airport waiting for my next flight I figured I would make another short post just so that I have something to do.


My main thought right now is how I evidently hate change. I mean I know I am hugely blessed to be able to go on a trip like this, and I know in the end I will enjoy it and probably treasure many memories made on this trip. However when it finally came time to go I found myself really not wanting to go. I was just far to focused on the bad parts of the trip. I was to focused on all the freedoms and comforts I was leaving behind in order to go on this trip. The same thing happened to a lesser extent when I went to Arrowhead Bible college a few years ago. Even though I had been looking forward to Arrowhead for a long time when it was finally the week or two before I left I started feeling like I really didn't want to go. After I got to arrowhead I had that same feeling for the first few hours but before the end of the first day at Arrowhead I already loved it there. I am sure that is how it will work out with this trip to. I guess I just don't like change so every time I have a big event in my life that is going to bring about change I start to feel very uncomfortable about it. I guess this is probably pretty normal just not something I would have said about myself until now. Yet when I hear of other people getting to travel I always find myself feeling jealous and wishing I could go on big trips like them but then when I have the opportunity to go I suddenly realize just how much I am leaving behind and how much I don't want to go. However I do at least tend to get over this feeling fairly quickly after leaving on trips so that at least is good.

Other then that realization there is not that much new to report on. I left Montana early this morning then flew to Salt lake then to L.A. where I am now sitting in LAX. this layover in LAX is something that I am sure I will remember for a long time because I was able to spend it in a private Delta lounge. I have a 10 hour layover here so it is a big blessing that I am able to spend the 10 hours in a very nice private lounge instead of in the busy noisy part of the airport. But I will remember this trip  for a long time because getting to stay in a lounge like this has always kind of been something I wanted to do. I mean it wasn't like a huge desire but every since I first saw a private airport lounge in a movie I thought it looked like it would be super cool to get to spend time in one while traveling. The desire to be able to spend time in lounges instead of just setting at a gate in the airport was just made greater by watching Casey Neistats Vlogs on youtube and getting to see some of the ones he goes to. So yeah other then getting to have an amazing time in this lounge that I am currently setting in, there not much else to say.

Thanks for reading.